Finally, official diagnoses…

Sorry I haven’t been around the past week.  My symptoms have gotten a tad worse, and leaves me not very talkative.

Well, I finally got back in to see the GI and get my official colonoscopy biopsy reports.  (he had postponed the visit 2+ weeks due to a family emergency on his end.)

Just a TMI warning:

Nope, not ‘just’ irritable bowel.’  I wish.

The official list is:

1.  chronic ulcerative proctitis.  That is, basically, the ‘start’ of ulcerative colitis, because that always starts in the rectum.  (I warned you.)
2.  asymptomatic diverticulosis.  (goodbye, beloved cashews and sesame seeds, as well as almonds and basically ALL nuts and seeds…)
3.  First degree internal hemorrhoids.

Yeesh.  The holy trinity of bleeding poop.  😦

So, this is a chronic disease, meaning it is never cured, it only goes into remission, if I am lucky and my body can handle the medication.  (I have a pretty less-than-stellar history with meds.)  I’m on 2-3 months of nightly suppositories.  HOPEFULLY I can handle that, as rotten as it sounds.  (it could’ve been SO SO much worse though.  I realize that…)

He then said, ‘if that clears it up/your symptoms up, then you will have a choice.  To stay on them and move to a maintenance regime, or roll the dice and stop using them all together and hope it doesn’t reoccur.’

Um, if the medicine works and I can tolerate it enough that it doesn’t cause unbearable problems, I’m on that shit for LIFE.  Let me tell you.  The prospect of sticking something up my ass 2-3 times a week for my remaining life is of course not ideal, but it beats the alternative, because when this returns/flares, it is always worse.  And higher up, starting to affect the entire colon.

Saturday, figuring from my newer symptoms that this was going to be the case, and researching, I (once again) gave up grains.  And sugar.  And alcohol.  And now also dairy.  And caffeine (oh, an occasional glass of iced tea I don’t think will hurt me.  But by no means daily.)  And now, as of last night, nuts and seeds too.

I start the medicine tonight.

Yay. Joy.  Can’t wait.

Still, not feeling very talkative. I have to wrap my head around this change, and work seriously hard on anxiety (about meds not being tolerable) and some mild depression.  I don’t know what my blogging will be like in the next couple of weeks…either here or visiting you.  I seem to just want to crawl into my proverbial cave, and watch TV / read.  😦

Anyhow, I seriously think this came about because I was over 2 years mostly grain free and sugar free, and when I STUPIDLY came off the plan, over the past 1.5 years, by body progressively rebelled.  Until it got to this point.  Well now, the thought of grains, dairy, or alcohol means serious, serious problems.  Up to and possibly including losing my entire colon and having a ‘bag’ for life.  No thank you.  I’m FINALLY listening to my body and altering my course appropriately.

AT least I know doing this, I’ll be back to a good normal weight by Thanksgiving.  🙂  Silver lining and all.

So that’s where I stand.  I appreciate your support.  I will try to drag my psyche out of the cave and out and about here and in the blog world more often.  Stop wallowing in self pity and fear.  THAT is bad for UC/UP as well.  And I realize it could’ve been SO.MUCH.WORSE.

Love you guys!

eta:  well, I see I’ve lost one follower since this post.  Okay….

24 thoughts on “Finally, official diagnoses…

  1. coffeeontheporchwithme

    I'm happy for you, that you now have a diagnosis, and therefore a plan of action. Don't be so hard on yourself about how you want to curl up and do nothing. I think we go through a period of “mourning” when we receive medical news that alters our way of life. Take some time. Wrap your head around it. You can do this! -Jenn

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  2. Jeanie

    Well, it's good to know what it is so you can actually do something about it but it does sound pretty miserable and quite a lifestyle change. Health issues are their own category of “loss” and a mental as well as physical adjustment. I'm hoping that the meds are tolerable and that you'll be able to return to a relatively normal lifestyle sooner rather than later. Meanwhile, know that we are all thinking about you.

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  3. Marie Smith

    A diagnosis is a good beginning. You have options which many people don't have. Give yourself time to adjust to the news, then tackle the problem as you have done before. It could have been so much worse as you said.

    Take care.

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  4. DJan

    You haven't lost me just because you told me about your malady. I do hope all this will work out so that even if you have to use suppositories for the rest of your life, if you're comfortable and pain free, that's all you can hope for. I'm thinking good thoughts about your poop. 🙂

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  5. joared

    Having a diagnosis at least gives you some direction. Glad the scenarios this could have been were ruled out. Expect as you allow yourself to adjust to some of the changes you need to make this will gradually begin to become more routine. Just take it a day at a time.

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  6. Silver Willow

    Jenn, thank you so much. I've had struggles (medically) the past 16 months unlike anything else I've ever experienced, so I guess it's made me a bit less resilient. Hopefully I'll rebound soon. Thanks again!

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  7. tammy j

    oh silver willow.
    one thing you are never short of and that is your sense of humor and COURAGE.
    and I keep saying and truly believe this…
    once you are retired and living each day just as you WANT TO! you are going to see a world of difference in your health! stress is everything.
    and just relieving that one simple daily stress from your life will amaze you!
    holding good thoughts for you darling bean! XO♥

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  8. Silver Willow

    I know you are right. We've targeted it for mid spring 2019. Not counting days yet, but soon. But yes, you are completely right. Except I don't feel very courageous. Feel kinda like a big old baby, most days. Still, VERY grateful it was 'only' this… xo

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