I am back

Had the family Xmas celebration today/tonight.

It ended horribly.

Got into a huge fight with my oldest daughter’s husband.  He started vilifying Mueller.  I asked him, nicely, to please stop.  That the discussion would turn ugly if he didn’t.  He persisted.  He said Mueller was crooked as hell.  To quote him, ‘Mueller is as crooked as they come.’

I went off on him, and basically told him to get out.  Very loudly, very ugly.  Yes, I snapped.  They all left.

I’m sorry, but I will not sell my soul to keep my family together.  I truly feel that it’s come to that.

This has been a year coming, and I’m sorry if fell apart at Christmas, but I asked him to stop his shit talk, and he wouldn’t.  In fact, it just made him basically double down on it.  It falls on him.

Still, it sickens me that it’s come to this.  This is what Trump does.  He divides us.  It’s his goal, and at least at this, he is winning.  For now.

But dammit, I’m tired of just listening.  Of not sticking up for what I KNOW is right, and what I KNOW is wrong.  I will not normalize this hideous turn in our history.  These next two weeks are going to be …. awful.  Our country is at a cross-roads.  I will not sell my soul for Trump.  Not for anyone.  Not even family.  This is a moral issue for me.

/end of angst for today.

38 thoughts on “I am back

  1. Jean R.

    I'm really sorry this happened, but the fault is not yours but your son-in-law's for not changing the topic when asked the first time. I personally think the Trump fans have been mollified long enough and their unfounded statements gone on unchallenged long enough. If we don't make a stand for the Truth now, then when?

    I can't remember a time in our history when politics divided us as much as it does now, maybe near the end of the Vietnam War but even that wasn't a purposeful attempt to destroy our country from within the way Trump's administration is.

    I hope someone in your family reaches out to help mend this rift, get your daughter's husband to apology for his (huge) part in what happened. If not, try not to let it eat you up! Don't give the guy the power to spoil the rest of your holiday plans.

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  2. Silver Willow

    as they were all leaving, my other son in law agreed, saying that 'mom you asked him to stop talking and he wouldn't, in fact he got worse…this is on HIM. He owes YOU an apology.” That made me feel a lot better but I am still sick over this. But enough is enough. Thanks, Kathy.

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  3. Silver Willow

    Thanks Jean. As I replied to Kathy above, my other son in law was saying the exact same thing to me as they all left. That the other son in law was the one at fault, and owed a big apology all the way around. it won't happen. (and my daughter, his wife, is as far right as he is. another story.) this has fractured the family, but again, I've put up with 15-16 months of bull shit. This is the same couple I didn't go to their Halloween party last year because I feared something like this would happen. It was just a matter of when I guess, not if. I'm mostly sorry because we hadn't gotten to the part of singing happy birthday to my other daughter. I gave her/them the cake to take with them. At least the little grandsons were upstairs playing video games, and didn't see it explode, although I'm sure they were wondering why everyone suddenly was leaving. 😦

    But this is a truly moral issue, and I will not put up with their bullshit comments in my own home at Christmas.

    Still feeling sick it ended the way it did, but if I had to do it over again, I don't see it ending any differently. The time (for me) to start making a moral stand is here; I think it's that time for the country as well; or will be in the very, VERY near future. It's all so sad.

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  4. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)

    I am so sorry this happened at the holidays no less!! HOpefully your daughter can talk some sense into him. This was not the forum to do this. That alone tells e a lot about this guy. We actually had a sign up at my parents from door before a party this summer that was like the no smoking sign. It also states no political discussions at this event or you will be asked to leave. It worked. Next time try that one. The majority of our family is anti-trump but there are a few idiots who love to start talking and jabbing when no one was even talking about this. My mom knew this and said I can't uninvite him but I will do this and talk to him. When he came in (the biggest problem as I call him) my mom asked him to keep his opinions to himself today for her and dad out of respect and not make waves because she just couldn't take it. It worked, the ass shut up. I hope your daughter talks to him and makes him see this was neither the time or the place so the rest of your holiday can be quiet and peaceful. Trump doesn't deserve to take away anything so don't let the f-r do that to you and win.

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  5. Olga Hebert

    I am sure that this is played out in many families just as it is in society at large. I could never stand either the sight or the sound of Trump so I never watched his TV show, but from what I heard about it I had the impression it just show cased attempts to humiliate and set one against the other. So there is no surprise that that is how he runs things. I believe we are obliged to speak up. We are in crisis and at a crossroads.

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  6. ellen abbott

    I can't believe you have put up with it silently for so long! I'd have done the same, or my husband. in fact my husband threw my parents out of our house once for their bad behavior. I'm fortunate that everyone in my family is against Trump. your SIL is an ass refusing to be civil in your home after you asked him to refrain. sorry to hear that your daughter is so far right. and in the future you may have to do what Margaret suggested, put up a sign.

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  7. Anvilcloud

    Did he offer any evidence for his claims? Ah well, maybe families need to have a rule No Politics Allowed. Come to an agreement beforehand or not come together at all.

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  8. Plowing Through Life (Martha)

    I'm terribly sorry this happened 😦 How sad. I'm sure many families go through this. You did good to ask him to stop. It would have been best if he had. Politics and religion, when we don't see eye to eye, are topics best left alone, especially during the holidays. This wasn't the forum for political debate. It was a family gathering where differences can be put aside. At least for that day. Have a peaceful Monday.

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  9. Linda deV

    I am so sorry that your night ended that way. All families fight and when it happens it sucks big time. I hope that future encounters go far better because family is so important and, in the end, none of those politicians know or care about us personally. Hopefully he learned his lesson and keeps it quiet.

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  10. Marie Smith

    It was your home. You have a right to ask him to stop.

    Someone I have been in company with is an industrialist and loves the war machine etc because it is good for his business. Don’t get me started about the evils of money. We had to avoid any discussion about politics and most all else with that person. Why bother to get together at all in that case?

    I hope it gets sorted in time to your satisfaction, SW.

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  11. Silver Willow

    Frankly, they (my daughter) are so identical in beliefs, she's not likely to talk any sense into him. That is why I didn't go to their Halloween party last year right before the elections. I was proven right. It was agreed at that time that no politics would be discussed. But alcohol, causing loose lips….and lack of inhibition, led to last night's uproar.

    I'm not sure when we will get together with them again. They did invite us over Christmas Day before things fell apart last night. I'll wait a day or two before I'll simply text her that we won't be coming over. We will see them 12/30 when we help the other daughter/son-in-law move, but after that, no reason to get together until March.

    I hate this. Before it was easy to avoid politics. It just isn't anymore, for a variety of reasons. I tried. I really did.

    I did text my other daughter; we were celebrating her birthday too. (it's 12/24.) I said I was very sorry we didn't get to sing happy birthday to her, and apologized for not handling the situation better. And told her to thank her hubby for sticking up for me, and that I loved them very much. She texted back a thank you and said she would tell him. Awkward, but I wanted to reach out to her. Le sigh.

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  12. Silver Willow

    The Apprentice was funny in the beginning because it was so outrageous, but it grew thin for us quickly.

    We are in crisis. Some just refuse to take off their blinders and see it.

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  13. Silver Willow

    We had already gone down this path; I had refused to go to their Halloween party last year right before the election. They swore that they'd never let politics come up in a setting like that; I thought that meant we all agreed to avoid politics at get togethers because we both were 180 degrees apart and passionate on both sides. I guess I was wrong. I can't remind (either verbally or via a sign) everyone every time we get together. I guess we see each other less (and for a while, not at all, unless happenstance forces us together.) Sad.

    and thanks, Ellen.

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  14. Silver Willow

    Well, frankly, I didn't give him a chance. We HAD the No Politics Allowed policy. He just blew over it, even when I reminded everyone and asked to change the subject. It only forced him to 'double down' on the absurdness of his comments.

    I think the 'not come together at all' is going to have to be the rule until/if sanity is ever restored, politically, to this country. Sad.

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  15. Lynda

    This was coming for a long time – I remember well back to when you told us how fervent your daughter was about Trump. How people fall for him and believe his bullsh*t is beyond me. BUT they do – he has this band of followers who fall for the fake news talk and think he's actually sane and doing well.

    What an arrogant fool your son-in-law is to even bring this up at a family event, especially knowing your feelings. I hope you can still have a happy Christmas – it's so sad this happened at this time.

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  16. Jeanie

    I join others in being so sorry that this happened. Those discussions are never good and when you can't remove yourself or the offender, it's so difficult. You did all the right things and he should know better. Some subjects should just be off limits. I hope in time you'll be able to find a place where you can be together but I have a feeling it will be some time in coming, at least during this terrible administration.

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  17. Silver Willow

    You are correct on all counts.

    My Christmas was going to be mostly over yesterday, either way. All I can do is try to make the best of the week to come; hubby and I will do a West World marathon (we decided) on Xmas day then go have dinner with my mom, and see Star Wars at Cineapolis Xmas eve. All is not completely lost. 🙂

    and thanks.

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  18. Arkansas Patti

    You tried and he refused to let it go. Not much you can do there. My sister and I don't agree but we table the discussion and so far haven't found a good time to have it. Hope we never do. I won't change her mind and she won't change mine. I find banging my head against a stone wall painful and futile.
    So sorry he will not let things go. Pretty that scenario will happen a lot over the holidays around the country.

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  19. Toni

    Strange how the jerk in office and his ilk have divided families much like the Civil War.

    It is so strange that the Far-Right feel that their prejudices are 'Just' because they are using Christianity as their foundation. Yet, their agenda is so far from anything ethical.

    Be strong, there are a lot of us standing with you!

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  20. Silver Willow

    They're idea of how to politicize Christianity is pretty revolting. They have ONE issue; abortion. That's the only 'Christian' leg they can stand on. But what about bigotry? Greed? No concern for the less fortunate? And now sexual harassment, pedophilia, and even treason?

    Thanks, Toni! I'm feeling better this after. Still sorry it happened, but better as time puts an increasingly large gap between my now and when it happened.

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  21. Catalyst

    You did right, SW. When people insist on foisting their political biases on others who have told them, nicely, to stop . . then they should be tossed. Though I have very strong feelings about Trump and his ilk, I refuse to get into a shouting match with someone who supports him. I'd rather just leave. Good on you for your bold action.

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  22. Silver Willow

    Thanks SO much, my friend. I refuse to tolerate the evilness or stupidity that supports Trump. No matter who. They want to revel in Trump, they'll have to do it away from me.

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  23. Jimmy

    Too bad that it came out like that, when asked nicely to not discuss politics (as we have done at our house in the past) your guests no matter who they are should abide by your wishes, just common manners.

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